When I started my blog, I had no clue what I wanted to write about or share, I just wanted to connect with more people and I think keep a journal of sorts, of all my funny musings, my family adventures and books! Oh how I love books! But now as I sit here, I realised I do want to share all the fun and exciting things with an audience, I want to share the sad, and painful times too! Hence my random musings on my previous blog post.
So,now to continue… After my scan had revealed some chocolate cysts, and someone had mentioned Endometriosis. I waited anxiously for my appointment. On arrival, the Gynaecologist seemed nice enough and welcoming, so we sat down and described briefly what had been going on, whilst I talked she was looking at my scans on her computer screen. I don’t remember her words exactly, but she began with “Lots of women suffer with bad period pains, and over here we normally like to suggest a bit of a watch and wait kind of approach.” Now I am not sure what I wanted them to do, or what I wanted to hear but I do know I wanted to feel like they were listening and taking me seriously, and this response did not fill me with faith. I was tired, in pain and anxious, I normally would try to stay calm and discuss calmly my issues. But I couldn’t do that, not today, I was feeling really emotional and I pored my heart out to her. I actually feel for the poor woman, she had in fact had more to say, this was just her usual start to the conversation but as I was feeling low, I jumped in too soon.
She said a pill to stop my periods completely could help me with the pain, and if it is endometriosis, stopping my periods would also help cease this in its path too. However, this may not fix the cysts, and as I was in so much pain she suggested surgery. But not to remove the cysts, well not on their own. She advised trying to remove the cysts would leave too much scar tissue, which in turn would cause more cysts, and if I had endometriosis, scar tissue would also aggravate this. So her suggestion was to remove my right ovary, investigate for endometriosis so we could confirm the diagnosis, and put the coil in all at the same time. Effectively stopping my immediate pain, confirming the endometriosis and helping stop it from spreading, however it is removing an ovary. I know she probably sees lots of patients in one day, and I am just one of many, but I do feel she was quite blasé about my ovary. I may be just one of a thousand for her, but I only have two ovaries, and removing one just like that, was scary. At that precise moment though, I didn’t feel like I had much choice. I wanted the pain to end, and I wanted a normal life. So I signed the form and went for pre-op.
Later that day, in the middle of Tesco, I had what can only be described as a bit of a breakdown. We had decided as much as I wanted another baby; my health was more important. I still stand by that, so it wasn’t so much the thought of losing an ovary that scared me, but the thought of being put under general anaesthetic that caused me to have my little melt down. I know plenty of people have operations, and go under general anaesthetic and wake up just fine. I know this, but knowing something does not stop you from being scared still. I cannot cope with the idea I might never wake up and see my babies again. I am awaiting an appointment, but I don’t know yet what I will do.
On the advice of the Gynaecologist, I also visited my GP and I have started a progesterone only pill. My GP was wonderful and let me talk about my worries and my fear. She believes it sounds like endometriosis, and she suggested I try the pill before having the surgery. She doesn’t believe I will get the appointment through for a while, and she thinks if we can control the pain and if there is any chance it can help with the cysts why not try that? And I wholeheartedly agree with that. It may take some trial and error to find a pill that suits me, and helps the pain. And I will need another scan in a few months to check on the cysts, and there is a chance I might still need the surgery and then I will have to come to terms with it. But for now, I am willing to try anything to help the pain and not have to have general anaesthetic.
Here you have, my whole tale of why I disappeared for a long time between November and January. I hope you don’t mind me sharing my issues, and please share your stories. Its a comfort to share and discuss, and its good to hear it talked about. I want to keep my blog happy and fun, but I think if I don’t share all of my stories, you will never get the full picture, and my main aim is to meet new people and share a bit of myself with the world. Holding the sad, painful or boring bits back, means I am not doing that.
I think I may try to get a few guest bloggers if I can, I think going through this pain, and sharing my story I realise there is so much in the world we don’t talk about, and I love to talk and share, so why not work towards some good whilst I am doing that anyway!